Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Upgrade Me !

For those that know me, this is not earth shaking info. For those that don't, this may be a shock. I am vertically challenged. I know, I sound bigger in print. At 5'3" inches tall, I have heard all the short jokes, everyday. Fortunately for me, I got over that in 3rd grade. I have embraced my size, and learned to deal with the fact that I have to ask my wife to reach things on the top shelf of the kitchen cupboards. But I also got to be on top when building a
human pyramid in school.

Now that I have set the stage, I pose a question that I have pondered on. If you could re-design the human body, what change would you make? Not just enhancing what you have, that would be too easy. Be sure to think long term, because something that sounds good at 20 years old, may not be so good at 70.

I would do

Yes, an eye on the end of my finger. Just think, when looking for your slippers, just reach down and extend your finger, and voila, there they are. Or, instead of digging through your purse or pocket, simply reach in and look around! Of course this eye would have to have night vision. If you wanted to spy on someone, just put your finger around the corner! You would also have the ability to check out those new jeans you just bought to see how they look from "behind"! No more asking the age old question, "do these pants make my butt look big? If you bump your head, you could check to see if it's bleeding! Check for spiders in you shoe, look for that quarter that fell between the sofa cushions, buckle the car seat in the car with ease! The list goes on...

So, I ask you, what would you alter?


Kismet said...

I'd have my eyelids lifted, my teeth straightened and whitened and the fat lobbed off.

Oh, that probably isn't what you meant, huh?



DotBlogger said...

You'd have to be very careful picking your nose, SuperDave.


Will be thinking of what I would change.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I agree w/ AK. I would also add no wrinkles, or perhaps an internal lyposuction mechanism. No need to get into gory details, but you cetch my drift :)

Sarah Vertner said...

Gosh, I'm just not that creative, what an idea!?

I want to see a bigger picture of you on top of that pyramid.

Yule {b}Log said...

I would like to go invisable. Sneaky, no?

Youthful One said...

I can't imagine what I'd prefer at this point. I'm too consumed with the not so pleasant things I envision with the eye at the end of the finger. Particularly potty-related things (including diaper changing.)

Anonymous said...

Yes, I agree the finger-eye idea has it's benefits and drawbacks. For my personal self, I'd change the fact that I cannot carry a pregnancy without severe nausea and barfing for months on end. That would mean changing hormones, which might also have some other benefits like losing weight more easily, being continuously happy and energetic, skin staying firm, etc. Yes, I'd say this would be a good change!

Anonymous said...

I would be happy just to go back to the Garden of Eden version and have a body that didn't elicit shame or embarassment, didn't develop health problems and didn't have wrinkles and sagging skin. Also no need for glasses. And that would be forever. Barbara